Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

Which means I’ll be breaking out the industrial size bottle of Tums and Chardonnay while plotting a way to sneak a vocal paralytic into Joe Buck and Tim McCarver’s morning coffee.

Some thoughts before my post-season ulcer starts flaring…

The non-Devil Rays are the American League East champions. Seriously I just sat here for 5 minutes reading that sentence while feeling dead inside.

We beat the California Anaheim Somewhat near Los Angeles but not really Angels twice in the ALDS in 2004 and 2007, and that worked out nicely for us. I’m just hoping history repeats itself and doesn’t smack us in the ass and tell us to squeal like a pig.

If the right wing conservative bending Rays hadn’t taken ‘Devil’ off their name, we could have had a possible Angels/Devil Rays series. The comedic value would have been priceless.

I’ve been sitting in the same seats for the past 4 years in the right field corner, home run side of Pesky’s Pole, about a third the way up from the field. My seats actually face the center field bleachers which means I have to contort myself to see home plate. In 4 years a ball has never even come in our section. At that crappy rainy game on Friday we dragged our soggy butts to our seats, and waited through an hour and a half rain delay. In the first inning Jacoby hit a home run EXACTLY 5 rows in front of me. I should have dove for it but I’ve grown fond of my front teeth.

Nothing says October baseball like sleep deprivation. Could we play a team that isn’t on the west coast in the first round just ONCE so I don’t have to sleep with my eyes open at work the next morning?

My friends are already lining up to watch the OCD spectacle that is me watching a playoff game: running in and out of rooms, going in and out of the house, lucky shirts, lighting of candles, drinking specific flavors of Dunkies, etc. etc. I need to start charging an admission fee.

In case you were wondering, the Red Sox, just in time for the playoffs, increased the price of beer another quarter. So basically you can get 2 gallons of gas for the price of 1 watered down Miller Lite. Welcome to my economic crisis!

I have to admit, the potential of seeing a World Series between the Red Sox and Red Sox West (i.e. Dodgers) and facing half the 2004 team and Manny would be the most exciting World Series match-up I’ve seen in years. How would Nomar be received? Would the Boston crowd turn on Manny? Can the Dodgers dry out Lowe long enough to pitch in the series? It’d be a soap opera without evil twins and amnesia!

I wonder how much it would cost to get Remy and Orsillo to comment on the game from my living room? I’m one more asinine comment from Joe Buck to earning a permanent restraining order.

Well, until the first round is over I’ll be assuming my usual position, under a blanket in the fetal position, swinging a bottle of wine, praying we don’t hit into another double play, and continuing my list of ways to blow up the FOX announcer’s booth.