Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

1. I will chain myself to the wheel of Theo’s car, turning myself into a human ‘boot’ and refuse to remove myself until he ups the offer.

2. I will go through with my plan to hunt down Scott Boras and prove my theory that he’s undergone massive reconstructive surgery and is, in fact, actually George Steinbrenner .

3. Plague and Pestilence, people. The kind with the really big locusts.

4. At the exact moment the news breaks, people all over the New England area will talk of a sound so horrific and inhuman that they will never again be the same. That sound will be me, wailing like a thousand banshees on crack.

5. I will give up baseball and focus all my attention on a sport that won’t break my heart: Snooker!

6. Red Sox revenue will take a hit because I’ll refuse to buy beer at the games in protest. They take my money, I should have a say in how its spent!

7. I will file a class action lawsuit against the ownership and Scott Boras for alienation of affection.

8. I’ll be forced to become a fan of whatever team he ends up with…unless it’s the Yankees, money sucking whores.

9. Duct tape and Bungee cords. That’s all I’m saying.

10. My wrath will be unleashed, the likes of which no man, woman or child has ever seen. You don’t want to end up on the wrong end of that level of hell.