Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

Surprisingly, stalking ballplayers is not a growth industry.

Normally, I would be at the Cask at 8am with Opening Day game tickets in hand, but I found it was hard to justify the expense when I already need a second job. So with the economy in the tank and my lack of internal organs left to sell on the black market for cash, I’m choosing to host an opening day extravaganza at home. Doing Opening Day Recession Style has some distinct advantages:

- Things aren’t likely to get out of control when the attendees are an accountant, a surgeon and a pregnant woman. And even if it does, the police aren’t likely to take in a pregnant woman, her personal doctor and her ‘emergency birthing coach’. By ‘birthing coach’ I mean ‘have fun birthing the kid, call me when it pops out, I’ll be at Dunkies getting an ice coffee!’

- For the price of a beer and hot dog at Fenway I can have nachos, popcorn, a six pack, a half dozen wieners and make a mortgage payment.

- If the person sitting next to me gets annoying, I can just throw them off my couch. Actually I’ll probably be the annoying one. Good thing they don’t know where I keep the duct tape and bungee cords.

- Three Words: Ballplayers in HD.

- Not having a mild heart attack when you see your bar bill from being in the Cask since 8am. Always a plus.

- Short bathroom lines at Casa de Chickie. I literally had to wait in line last year for 30 minutes because the bathrooms at the Cask overflowed causing a liquid pool of unknown origins to flood half of the back room.

All in all it seems like a good game plan. And with the money I save it will be much easier to justify paying 3 times the normal ticket price when Playoff time comes.

Since I’ve been in a mental coma all off-season, some random thoughts before the season begins:

I had no idea Nomar was playing for Oakland, Millar went to Toronto and Pedro was playing for no one. Nomar is also now playing with Orlando Cabrera on the A’s, so he’s playing with one of the 2 guys he got traded for in 2004…awkward!

My greatest fear in life has gone from dying before I see the Red Sox win the World Series to dying before I see the final episode of LOST.

The Sox announced they have decided to freeze concession stand prices for the 2009 season. What they didn’t tell you is beer now comes in Dixie cups and Fenway Franks have been reduced to ‘fun size’.

The ownership has introduced more improvements this season but my seats still face center field.

And so begins another life sucking, gastrointestinal twisting, fetal position inducing season. Baseball. Gotta Love It!