Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

I was surfing the net today and decided to check out an old website I used to read called "The Curse of the Bambino". When the front page came up, it said the guy who writes it is now featured on Fox Sports New England. What the hell?!?!?! The column has basically been a regurgitation of all the local sports columns in the Herald and Globe. I'm not saying its not good, but its not like its redsoxchickie.com ;)

So after downed the last of my coffee, and contemplated if Ken Griffey Junior has pissed off some gypsies, I wondered why I can't get anyone to pay me to write about my boys?? Sure the restraining orders may hinder some one-on-one interviews, but I can still write from 100 yards away! Besides, the baseball media is sorely in need of a woman who knows what she's talking about and can function without the aid of a Wonderbra labeled flotation device strapped to her chest.

In my quest for a desirable job I came up with a couple ideas....

Color commentator - Sometimes Jerry may need a break and I would only be too happy to fill-in for him. I already make the same comments as they do on NESN only I do it 30 seconds before Don and Jerry. Besides I think there's a whole segment to the audience that's being ignored. Tell me there aren't people out there that want to hear about how fetching Wakefield is looking in the 5th with sweat glistening on his brow, or how Millar is absolutely adorable while holding on the runners, or how Nixon has, bar none the best ass in baseball. Or what about a new call up, "So and so's got an 0 and 2 count against him. How did this guy get into the big leagues? He looks like he's 12!!! Grow some facial hair and come back in 5 years, kid"

Writer for MLB.com or ESPN.com - Let's face it, Bill Simmons has gone soft. La-La land has killed the hard edge he had, I suspect it has something to do with all that sunshine and lack of Dunkies. Me? I'm sitting here with my third x-large french vanilla, cursing the weather man for telling me it would be a balmy 68 degrees out and scraping up enough change to buy a pack of cigarettes which is going for about $10 nowadays. I'm hard core living baby! Being a Sox fan will make you bitter and I embrace said bitterness with a bear hug and my legs wrapped around it while I nibble on its earlobe. I wouldn't sugar coat anything I'd write to play nice with the players (ok, except maybe Millar)...OJ: Guilty, Pete Rose: In, Kobe: inconclusive at this time...I fully acknowledge that I am a reservoir of useless information and that could easily be exploited for columns. Name one other person that can give you the cause for the rise and fall of late 80s hair bands, give a detailed account of what happened in every Star Wars movie and can give 3 problems the Red Sox need to resolve before they'll get into the playoffs? That's me, a venerable cornucopia of random information.

Basically I need, want, and long for job in sports and will not be happy until I get one. So from now one everyone should feel its there mission to forward my web address to as many people as possible so I can be discovered, leave Boston and forget about all you little people...hey, wait a second....turn into a selfish sport writing diva?...yup, sounds good to me!

But if all else fails, "redsoxchickie: towel girl" here I come!