Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

Just in time for a long weekend of Watermelon Mahtinis!

This season is the equivalent of watching a glass fall from a kitchen cabinet, bounce off the counter, hit the floor and roll under the table all while you tense you entire body and watch with one eye open waiting for the sound of shattering glass, but not entirely sure that it is going to shatter….Low rise jeans need to be outlawed, I'm sick of looking at other people's rolls!…What do non-smokers do all day? Camel has pineapple/coconut flavored cigarettes - nothing like smoking a pina colada!…What is a Padre? Is it a team full of Dads? Someone has to research this for me….In the life is unjust and unfair to me department: one of my friends went to see Tim McGraw and ends up sitting in front of five Sox players, including my boyfriend #2!!!!….Sure I equate listening to country with having my ears infected and bleeding but I could have put up with it that once….How does this crap NEVER happen to ME!!!…Kevin Millar dyed his hair, well at least its one color, albeit day-glo….By Friday I’ll either be in my happy place or in a corner weeping uncontrollably clutching my remote control wailing “Why God, why???….Watermelon martinis are the drink of the summer and with just the right amount of Pucker you won’t even taste the Kappy’s vodka!….”Office Space” is gaining ground in my list of best movies of all time to randomly quote. Right now “Yeaaaaaaaaah, I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday” is right behind “I like it black, like my men” from Airplane!….I haven’t written in a while so lets expand on this topic, shall we?:

Best Movies to Randomly Quote:

1. “Luke, I am your father” – from Star Wars, but it’s only #1 if you say it while speaking into a fan.

2. “I like it black, like my men” – Airplane! Ties with “I picked the wrong week to quit freebasing” – also from Airplane!

3. “Yeaaaaaaaaah, I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday” – Office Space

4. “It puts the lotion on or else it get the hose!” – Silence of the Lambs

5. “Toepick!” – The Cutting Edge”

Yes the above list does prove the fact I need a hobby…but I digress….I hate Barry Bonds. A LOT. I was giddy when he struck out against Pedro….Yeah, this DNC thing’s a GREAT idea, right up there with elective root canals and enimas….Is there an over-under on having the whole starting line-up on the field for 1 game?… Finding out that there’s going to be a Guns N’ Roses Behind the Music is the most exciting news since Britney broke her knee! Speaking of which, the dim wit got engaged. There are no words that can aptly capture the sheer lunacy of it all…Why getting Reese for 2nd base was worth every penny: “Pokey’s Bettah!”