1st Half Report Card
Quick, Short and shockingly painful…kinda like me!!
Terry Francona: Incomplete, I’ll let you know what the grade is once he starts to manage.
Johnny Damon: B, B+ if he’d shave and get a haircut. I’ve run out of hairy missing link, captain caveman jokes.
Kevin Millar: B- He’s not doing as well as last year offensively but gets an A+ for use of hair as a cheerleading device.
Pedro: Jeri curls aside he gets a B+, but only since his arm hasn’t fallen off and said something stupid in the last month.
Manny: A, Not only is he hitting like a madman (knock on wood) but he’s become Mr. Personality with the press. Guess he finally figure out that whole bees with sugar thing.
Wakefield: A, Leave me alone, its my website and I’ll give him any grade I want!
Pokey: A, Pokey’s betta!
Nomar: Z, As in Zzzzzzzzz
Bellhorn: B-, For having mastered a blank star for nine innings.
Ortiz: A+, ‘Cause he’s an All Star, with his game on….
Veritek: B+, Would be higher but his average just isn’t up there but he’s due soon. Have I mentioned I will handcuff myself to Fenway if the owners let him go?
Lowe: Some days B+, some days D-
Folke: B, Hard to grade since he hasn’t had many save opportunities. But just remember “Folke You!”
Offense: B-, There’s room for improvement, keep hitting like they did in the last homestand and it shoots up to an A. It was the first time all season that I didn’t assume that with the bases loded and no outs we would manage to not score in the inning.
Defense: F, It’d be an F minus if it weren’t for Pokey. Could anyone tell me the ratio of errors at shortstop between Nomar and Pokey?
Overall: B, Would have been a C if it hadn’t been for the glimmer of life they showed in the last 6 games. They best show a freakin’ lazer show’s worth of glimmer in the second half if they want to make it to the playoffs.
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