Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

Yeah I KNOW the Red Sox won the world championship last year. I KNOW I shouldn’t complain about anything Sox related for like the next 10 years. I KNOW I should let go of my anger, because anger leads to hate, and hate leads to…….sorry, got confused there for a sec.

Yeah I KNOW the Red Sox won the world championship last year. I KNOW I shouldn’t complain about anything Sox related for like the next 10 years. I KNOW I should let go of my anger, because anger leads to hate, and hate leads to…….sorry, got confused there for a sec. Anyway, my point is, though I should mentally be sitting in a phatty lounge chair in the sunshine and turquoise blue surf softy lapping in the background while I sip on my ice cold Mai Tai by my cabana boy Enrique, my current mental state more resembles me sitting in a circa 1975 rusted folding lawn chair in hazy humidity, by the brown stanky low tide of Revere Beach, guzzling a piss warm 40oz I bought at White Hen.

Asking a Red Sox fan to chill out and go with the flow after a lifetime of wrapping yourself up in a familiar blanket of bitter disappointment is a lost cause. Yeah we may not be as suicidal and apocalyptic as we once were but we still want to avoid the inevitable people who will say last year was a fluke and we should be happy we won one in our lifetime, whom I will promptly slap around like a rag doll. Was Bill Belichick happy with won Superbowl ring? NO! The man has enough rings to feed a small third world nation.

Call me greedy, but I still want to win dammit! I want to win, I want to crush the Yankees, and I want to feel the unadulterated pleasure that both those things will bring me. So in order to face the last two months of the season I feel the need to excise the demons by listing all the things that make me want to take batting practice with my tv.

1. Could we just, for the love of God, not leave 30 men on base in every game??? Even if we win we still manage to leave an unseemly amount behind. Has no one ever heard of timely hitting?

2. Trade Deadline/Trade Rumors. I hate this time of year because I could go to bed watching one team that I’ve spent like 100 games with and the next morning having my heart ripped out with a trade. Remember, when it comes to trades for every Orlando Cabrera, there’s the guy no one remembers who hit.175 down the stretch. I need to speak to Theo about my hatred of change.

3. Enough of the Manny being Manny or Manny-isms crap. The dude gets paid truckloads of money – SUCK IT UP! I curse Duquette every day for that idiotic contract.

4. If I was Francona, after Payton’s staged show in the dugout, I would have taken everything in Payton’s locker, throw it in a cab, gave him $25 dollars, pointed east and say Logan Airport’s that way, jackass.

5. Next time our closer has an ERA of 8000.00, we may want to have him checked out a wee bit sooner than 3 months into the season.

6. My reaction on hearing the news that Schilling would be our closer: ::crickets:: Thirty minutes later: “What the F@#K?.”

7. Why am I spending $5.50 for a dixie cup of watered down beer at every game I go to?

Arrrrrgggg....

Lets face it, Red Sox fans are now the equivalent of Oscar the Grouch in a fancy Rubbermaid barrel, still cranky but in nicer surrounds.