Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

After completely spazing out at last night's game amid the most stressful race to the post-season ever and seeing abhorrent behavior at the ball park, I thought I'd share a couple of lists/guidelines.

10 Signs You're Over the Edge

10. You threaten to kill the person who holds your season's tickets because he won't go back to sitting in the seat he was in when you were winning.

9. You have recurring nightmares of different pitchers injuring themselves.

8. You contemplate taking "the candle" (my devoted followers KNOW what I'm talking about) in the car so that if you're at a game they're losing you can do your ritual and light it while its in your cup holder.

7. Your colon resembles a genetically mutated pretzel.

6. Every time you think of the chance of a playoff berth coming down to the last game you start convulsing.

5. You're wound so tight you wake up at 3AM with muscle spasms.

4. You use your niece who was born the morning of Game 4 of the world Series as an oracle.

3. You've skipped meals because you no longer have the ability to make simple decisions.

2. To supplement your beer budget at the games you consider driving to New Hampshire to buy a carton of Marlboro Lights to sell for $10 a pack on Yawkey Way.

1. You have the local mental health facility on speed dial in case things go south by the end of this weekend.

and now....Some Simple Rules of Going to the Ballpark

- In a stadium of 34,000+, the person you know and least want to see in the world will sit within 5 rows of you.

- The drunk loudmouth will always sit next to your beer holding hand so he can repeatedly knock into it costing you 50 cents worth of spillage each time.

- Your should never be the guy who wears an authentic jersey of a team that is not playing that night.

- Gold sequin purses and ultra-low rise jean induced fat rolls are not welcome. Go hooch yourself down in Kenmore.

- If you're dumb enough not to wear shoes, I will try to step on your toes 'cause frankly you're asking for it.

- Its every man, woman and child for themselves when it comes to sprinting for the bathrooms between innings.

- UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES is it ok to clip your fingernails in the stands!!!!! (I swear, I couldn't make the sh*t up)