JD Drew, Why I Hate You
JD Drew has done nothing to me personally, but I still hate him. I don’t hate him the same way as say Osama Bin Laden, Satan or Ann Coulter. I hate him the same why I hate pickles & mustard, teenager cashiers talking on their cell phones while they check you out, and listening to Bush speak in public, all things that constantly annoy me when I’m forced to deal with them.
Why do I hate him? You mean besides the ridiculously inflated contract we game him with a track record of being an uninspired player who usually spends a chunk of time each season on the DL? Besides the fact he’s never lived up to the potential everyone says he has? Besides the fact that if he has had so much as a hangnail this season he’s out for three game while Dice-K practically rode the porcelain bus to the mound for 5 innings in the game he had the stomach flu? Besides the fact he only seems to be able to hit consistently in NL ballparks? You want more reasons than those?
I have the best reason to hate JD Drew in the world….
Two words…..
Trot. Nixon.
Oh yeah, I’m throwing it down now!
That’s right, the reason I hate JD Drew is Trot Nixon. Why you ask? Let’s see, Trot is getting about the same amount of production in Cleveland that Drew is getting in Boston. You might call it a push if Drew weren’t getting paid about $20 million more than Trot. But that’s not the worst of it, its not…..even…..close.
The number 1 reason my ire for JD Drew exists is that not only did he replace Trot in right field, but he had the UNMITTIGATED GAUL to take Nixon’s jersey number!!!! This is sacrilege in Red Sox Nation! Trot was a player who had spent over 10 years in the Red Sox organization, a player who got dirty and played hard and looked like he’s take out anyone on the opposing team’s knee-caps. Drew looks like he’s worried about grass stains on his uniform and that’s his reason for not diving for balls that Trot would have gone after like Lindsay Lohan after an open bar.
You have to understand, I have spent the better part of the last 7 years sitting primarily in the bleachers, and the moving to my regular seats in right field. So basically I’ve spent the last 7 years staring at Trot Nixon’s butt in right field. And as I’ve said before, it was like two apples under a polyester blankie. Now what do I have to look at? A flounder under a polyester blankie? Ick!
Truth is Drew never stood a chance. He was replacing one of my favorite players ever. Trot was a cutie-pie guy who could kick ass and take names but would lick ice cream off his hand so he didn’t get it on you while you had a coronary taking a picture with him. Drew is none of that to me, nor could he ever be. It’d be like asking bologna to be filet minion.
Unfortunately, Nixon isn’t coming back, and we’re stuck with Drew and his inflated contract for the foreseeable future…so I will resign myself to looking at Drew while waiting for Cleveland to come to town so I can see some filet back in right field.
JD Drew just made me make a meat metaphor…yet another reason to hate him!
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