Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

Massachusetts restraining orders can’t be enforced in Maryland, right? I guess I’ll find out for sure this weekend :D

For the first time ever, I’m going on the road to cheer on my boys on a regular season game, or at least that’s what my story will be if Homeland Security asks me. In reality I’m going to stalk my boys in Baltimore for the Orioles series, as well as, see my old boyfriend (in my mind anyway) Kevin Millar. Oh Kevin, just when you thought it was safe to leave the dugout!

I have a very short span of time to do things while I’m in Baltimore (I have tickets to Friday and Saturday night’s games and I leave Sunday morning) so I thought I’d make a “To Do” list for my trip:

1. While sitting on the same level as the Press Box for Friday’s game, I plan on catching Jerry Remy as he sprints to a waiting cab .3 milliseconds after wrapping up the game, grab onto his leg and say “Daddy, I’ve finally found you!” just for the hell of it.

2. If I get a picture with one of the players, not freeze up and clutch my chest like I’m Redd Foxx on “Sanford and Son”.

3. Sing “Blame Canada” if Eric Gagne warms up in the bullpen.

4. Rush onto the field at Camden Yards to find out if their fine for trespassing is higher than Fenway’s.

5. Get on an elevator alone with Tim Wakefield, press the emergency stop button and make all my dreams come true, hehehehehe.

6. At some inappropriate point in one of the games, get to the front row of the stands closest to Kevin Millar, rip open my Red Sox jersey to reveal an “I (heart) Millar” t-shirt while screaming “I loooooooooove youuuuuuuuuuu Keviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And Finally….

7. See how many players I can sexually harass and how many restraining orders I can rack up in three days of baseball debauchery in Baltimore!

Assuming I can make bail, details of my trip will follow next week….