Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

8:00pm – Begin the superfluous pre-game show that reveals absolutely nothing we don’t already know! Although its good to see Jeanne Zelasko dropped the Farrah Fawcett in a wind tunnel with a can of Aqua Net look. Either that or the humidity just flattened it.

8:01pm – Eric “I was too busy trying to look hurt to actually make sure I touched home plate” Byrnes??? Who the hell game that numb-nut a broadcasting gig? Is Varitek aware he’s in the stadium? I’d really like a reenactment of Game 5 of the 2003 ALDS. Did anyone see Byrnes’ kayaking stunt with his dog at the All-Star game this season? Seriously this guy is a danger to himself

8:15pm – Pomp and Circumstance! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Rumor has it that the Sox are trying to get Neil Diamond to sing Sweet Caroline live in one of the first two games. I got a shiny nickel says it ain’t going to happen.

8:20pm – Stomach check#1…after severe nausea, I’m talking bend over a barrel nausea at around 7pm, I’m pleased to report we’re been downgraded to mid queasiness.

8:25pm – Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, let the hyperboles and senility begin!

8:38pm – My ears are suddenly blocking themselves, clearly a biological response to Buck and McCarver’s inane banter. McCarver just said he agreed with Byrnes assessment of the Rockies, case closed.

8:43pm – Beckett struck out the side…its only the first inning…its only the first inning…its only the first inning…

8:44pm – “Candle #1 That We Don’t Talk About” has been lit.

8:45pm – I wonder if Yaz knows that there’s a birth control named after him.

8:47pm – Pedroia hit a home run!!! See short people are cool!!!! Who let the 12 year old pitch?

8:50pm – Too bad Ortiz’s “shocking” bunt attempt didn’t shock McCarver into a cardiac infarction.

9:02pm - 1st inning over, Sox up 3-0 and more shockingly J.D. got a timely base hit to drive in a run.

9:12pm – Rockies score a run and its all my fault! See the IM exchange from last inning:

redsoxchickie49 (9:07:08 PM): holy crap
RME613 (9:07:43 PM): holy crap what?
redsoxchickie49 (9:07:44 PM): he's struck out the first 4
RME613 (9:08:17 PM): oh...not any more you jinxed him
redsoxchickie49 (9:08:08 PM): i suck
RME613 (9:08:51 PM): haven't you learned over the years that we never discuss those things...
redsoxchickie49 (9:08:47 PM): YOU ASKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RME613 (9:09:35 PM): But you should have responded cryptically like normal and I would have known that is what you meant
redsoxchickie49 (9:09:27 PM): GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RME613 (9:09:48 PM): ;)
redsoxchickie49 (9:10:17 PM): you know of you were here i'd have belted you
RME613 (9:10:50 PM): lol

9:28pm – Fortunately the Red Sox made up for my transgression on an Ortiz hit that the Rockies screwed up 3 different times trying to field it.

9:30pm – Stomach Check#2: Clear and calm, here’s hoping it stays that way.

9:33pm – Manny Ramirez has been replaced by Willie Mays

9:40pm – What? The 12 year old pitcher is a Canadian!!!! That’s it close the borders!!!!!

9:54pm – 7 Ks, that’s all I’m sayin’

10:09pm – I love the fact that our team has a percussion section

10:10pm – Can we just put the discussion of whether to sit Ortiz or Youkilis in Colorado? Am I the only person who knows that Youk can play the outfield? You have two choices: 1) play Youk in right for Drew and Ortiz at first and move Youk over to first for defensive reasons later in the game, or 2) play Youk at first and bring Ortiz in to pinch hit and if necessary move Youk to the outfield.

10:11pm – 6-1 and all is quiet on the stomach front. Now if we can just speed up the rest of this game so I don’t look like a crack whore who was busy on the local corner last night that would be fabulous.

10:19pm – Hey, did you know redsoxchickie.com got national attention this week? Check out this article in The Sporting News. I’m a shameless self promoter :D

10:25pm – I had to read Beowulf 3 times in my life, middle school, high school and college. I wanted to stab myself in the eyes every time I read it. I don’t anticipate watching the movie unless I end up in purgatory and that’s playing on a continuous loop and I’m sharing an armrest with Steinbrenner

10:34pm – Is it just me or has Josh Beckett gotten ridiculously hot looking since the middle of the season. He’s just about retardedly hot now…but have no fear Wakefield, you’ll always be my first love…sigh…its probably best he doesn’t pitch in the World Series with a bad arm and high altitude. His knucleball would be flying out of Coors field like brain cells out of Britney’s head.

10:37pm – 8-1 in the 5th, tehehehehehehe

10:39pm – Last night I had a dream that Barack Obama was taking BP in Fenway and hit an Ortiz-esque home run to dead center field.

10:53pm – Just heard the dumbest thing all night from Joe Buck, “These are not your father’s Rockies”…unless your daddy’s 15 that would be pretty impossible since they’ve only been around for 15 years!

10:55pm – ok the top of the 5th is still going on, its now 12-1.

10:59pm – Still in the 5th, 13-1…Mercy Rule anyone? They must be crying in their Coors cans in Denver right now.

11:02pm – I just had a petrifying thought, its 13-1….No Gagne! No GAGNE!!!!!!!

11:17pm – FOX just trotted out the Buckner moment from Game 6, Commie Bastards!

11:37pm – Why is Ashanti singing God Bless America? Is her album label owned by FOX?

11:38pm – I baked cinnamon sticks earlier in the game…mmmmmmmmmm…cinnamon.

12:01am – Oh god its GAGNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:02am – It’s the top of the 9th and we’re up 13-1, so I think its safe for me to sign off for the night even though the Goddamned French-Canadian is pitching. I’ll just leave you with one thought for tomorrow: “Great kids. Don’t get cocky.”