Redsoxchickie: Just This Side of Stalking

And by Japan I mean the sprawling City of Lowell, where I’ll being eating my omelet in the morning with chopsticks.

I would have made the trip to Japan but there was talk of me causing international incidents, deterioration of international relations and something about federal restraining order violations. So to avoid the red tape nightmare, I just decided to stay home and obsess from afar…and the government denied my visa application, claiming ‘stalking ballplayers’ wasn’t a valid occupation.

This will be the first time I’ve ever had to miss a game because I have to LEAVE for work. Usually, I leave work to see the game. It’s just not right! It might have been fun to get up at the crack-ass of dawn and curl up on the couch with a hot Dunkies and watch the game. But alas, I was born into the working class and have been unsuccessful in my quest to invent something completely irrelevant and yet irresistible to QVC shoppers at 3 in the morning.

Some random thoughts…

Will Jerry Remy learn to say "good morning" in Japanese?

Are Ramen Noodles the equivalent of Fenway Franks?

How many people will use this as an excuse to put beer on their Rice Krispies?

Do they water down the Sapporo? What are the prices like?

When they sing “Turning Japanese” do they say “Turning Chinese”?

I think that’s all for now…seeing as how I have to set my alarm to see the first game of the regular season. It just wrong, so very, very wrong.